♥express individuality♫♪

tuesdae// march 1st, 2011.

what’s left of foley field…

it just painstaking to see the remains of foley today.

there i had cherished many memories, although i’ve never graduated on the grass.

but it could mean symbolism…

not that i had horrible or rusted years during high school but a glimmer to move on. the laughter, the joy, the practices, fourth of july, all the fun but also difficult times where we had to run laps or the tension performing in front of the audience.

high school isn’t forever, and i feel like i’m stuck or still in that transitioning phase. i thought i’d be over it by now - move on to college life… i cut my hair, did alot of things so i could start off fresh into these young adult years but a part of me wails, a part of my heart is broken… even though i never gave it away…

i just wish my some best friends from high school were there to support me, most of them do and i’m blessed that they do care! but there’s a certain few,.. i feel like they don’t care about me anymore.. i didn’t even get a chance to see them at the annual christmas party… i was looking forward to that…

i understand we all move on, we have jobs, are in relationships, etc and i totally respect that… sometimes a text hello would be nice… sometimes i’m just tired of trying being assertive…

i miss them… and i miss foley…

thursdae// february 24th, 2011.

I see the crystal raindrops fall
And see the beauty of it all
Is when the sun comes shining through
To make those rainbows in my mind
When I think of you some time
And I want to spend some time with you,

I hear the crystal raindrops fall
On the window down the hall
And it becomes the morning dew
Darling, when the morning comes
And I see the morning sun
I want to be the one with you…

Good things might come to those who wait.

- Bill Withers.

classic. stylish. smooth.

sundae// february 13, 2010.

“we didn’t get a chance to eat the mango for dessert after dinner the other night…”

“i know, but at least i had you here in my arms. that’s my dessert.”

saturdae// february 5th 2011.

i have a valentine!

…after 20 years, finally.

sundae// january 23, 2010.

i’m not pressured.

if anyone’s is pressuring me - it’s my parents. pressuring me to be a certain way, believing that i’m being beer pressured to things surrounding me.

sorry, im not pressured mom & dad but instead, i’m influenced - in a positive way.

but in their perspective, they want me to be better than them, lead  the american dream they never had - to be successful. i get it. i get it.

but i’m going through a bundle of confusion, still. i don’t know what it is. i’m still experiencing the transition through high school to college … sadly, still. it’ll take a while to settle in. it’ll take a lot of time.

mom & dad this is what we call, “Experience”. it’s 2011, not 1969. i need to explore - see the world… i need to get my knees busted before i learn. i understand, listen from other people’s mistake, so that way you can learn from them. but sometimes a secondhand experience isn’t enough… people learn differently - people have different suits of style and taste and i’m sorry mom & dad that mine are different than yours.    

…and quite frankly along with this adventure i do have fun.

i just wish sometimes you can just let me be - not that you don’t trust me but don’t worry about me too much okay? i know i’m your  first baby girl, but sometimes you gotta let go and live a little you know? i can handle myself, i’ll be fine.

everything is good, in moderation.

mondae// january 10, 2010.

i still feel like shit. it’s a new year - and i shouldn’t even be feeling like this.

it’s 3:35 in the morning. it’s not healthy for me to be up, i notice a trend that i tend to get sick if not acquired a certain amount of hours of sleep. like literally i get sick for staying up late then being out in the cold with no clothes on or exposed to my sick mother’s germs (she’s fighting a cold now) .

i feel like i should start over again. but instead of high school… it’s college now. unfortunately i’m stuck in that transitioning phase, i should have been done already.. or maybe i need to take it slow, it’s only my sophomore year.

saturdae// january 1, 2011.

from the written text of my journal.

Happy New Years!

Right now, my mind is filled with all these thoughts of: life. oh the human physiology is so intricate and beautiful. i’m fascinated by it’s complexity - but it seems so simple right?

In simplicity, life is that “-” dashmark sign between the year of your birth and the year of your death. but in complexity, it’s how you live your life and each person’s “dashmark”  is their own unique one. hopefully, maybe mine wil be bold, italicized and underlined - I’ll live forever. Though physically, I may not be alive, but in my heart, in my spirits i’ll always be alive. a dash is a reminder of what i did, in life - what i  accomplished, what HAD happened, and so forth.

With that being said, i’m ready to explore what 2011 will bring me. Perhaps joy, sorrow and regrets but it won’t be forgotten. I have so much to tell and limited time to sit down and write… i’ll tell you one thing thought- i’ll give effort to explain what occurs, on my honor i will try…

The night is still young my friend, but know that before the first day ends just know that

don’t ever [just] achieve your goals and dreams, instead go beyond it. you have the capability to do so, anyone can - but only you can drive it. Let nothing stop you…

saturdae// december 11th, 2010.

I’ll try this, in 2011.

day 01 - your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
day 02 - where you’d like to be in 10 years.
day 03 - your views on drugs and alcohol.
day 04 - your views on religion.
day 05 - a time you thought about ending your own life.
day 06 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself. 
day 07 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality. 
day 08 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life. 
day 09 - how you hope your future will be like. 
day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss. 
day 11 - put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. 
day 12 - bullet your whole day. 
day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit. 
day 14 - your earliest memory. 
day 15 - your favorite tumblrs. 
day 16 - your views on mainstream music. 
day 17 - your highs and lows of this past year. 
day 18 - your beliefs. 
day 19 - disrespecting your parents. 
day 20 - how important you think education is. 
day 21 - one of your favorite shows. 
day 22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years? 
day 23 - give pictures of 5 girls who are famous who you find attractive. 
day 24 - your favorite movie and what it’s about. 
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why. 
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you. 
day 27 - a problem that you have had. 
day 28 - something that you miss. 
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days. 
day 30 - your highs and lows of this month.

& the 365 day challenge too.