thursdae, june 7th 2012// separation anxiety, problem?
i’ve noticed i have the worst case of separation anxiety. i’m not sure if it’s an actual problem, per se but i can’t help it.
when i get attached to someone whethera very close friendship, relationship or whom i deeply love (even though i know that person will come back) when they leave just to go to school or go home… i just get very… anxious. i’m not sure why, perhaps i have a fear of them leaving and never coming back, or i hate to see them upset especially if i am the direct cause and not talk to me for like… a day or a year or two. i just care for these special people so much, sometimes i end up crying.
i remember in my earliest years, one worst case of separation anxiety is when my mom left me for preschool and she had to go her college class… which was next door. when parents drop their kids off, normally kids would cry for five minutes, get over it and play with their toys. i unfortunately was a different story.
i would cry throughout the whole time i was in preschool. just the thought of seeing my mother walk out that door, she could have just left me. that’s why instead of going to preschool i would sit behind my mom in her college class, reading a newspaper… knowing im safe she’s around. same goes for my dad. my dad and i went to the library and i was reading my Berenstein bear books. my dad just left the room for two seconds to grab a book, but didn’t tell me. i started to cry like crazy, the police had to actually come to the rescue… i haven’t experienced someone leaving me, but i ask myself, what’s the cause of this fear?
my friends and i were close back in high school. whether after school, during class, during football games, i’ve been with them through thick and thin. i’m still close with most of them but some have drifted away. i know they’re in school but i went through the most separation anxiety here. man i just felt so hurt. but this summer, i will try to hang out with everyone more often so i don’t have to feel the anxiety.
i remember if my boyfriend didn’t text me a goodnight, i would go upset. i just feel so forgotten and my separation anxiety kicks in, “did he really just forget about me? am i not that important?” but i have to remind myself - relax it’s just a text but then i say to myself, well if i was that special, i’d receive a phone call or something to show that he cared. also, i want to make sure he’s okay and gets home safely. the worst separation anxiety i felt this semester was when i didn’t hear from him from a few days, but i know he’s on vacation or a ceremony with his family, i was just balling tears. thinking he was going to leave me forever but i knew he’ll come back.
i get very attached to the few people that i’m close with. they may not see it, but i care, cherish and love for them very much. sometimes i end up getting hurt, but it hurts me even more to even think about seeing them leave me for good.